Only a few of the TV shows I like are from the “reality” genre. Of those, I prefer shows about cooking or fixing and restoring things. However, the ratio of shows that make me want to get productive(!) versus those that make me want to throw TV out the window is extremely low. Things reached their nadir when The Discovery Channel cancelled Mike Roe’s excellent Dirty Jobs in favor of something called Amish Mafia. With that in mind I figured anyone can make up this poop. To wit:
Idea 1. Ghost Hoarders
What happens to extreme hoarders and collectors when they die? Well, since spirits can’t move onto the next plane if they’ve got unfinished business, many are left haunting their messy homes, shuffling about their stacks of newspaper and collectible jam jars for all eternity. That’s where organizing expert/occultist Dr. Chuck Sizzle and his team come in.
First they empty and clean the home of the deceased, careful not to anger the spirit in the de-cluttering process. When the home is deemed “livable” by Health & Safety officials, a seance is held to encourage the ectoplasmic collector to “let go” of this earthly plane. Also because it’s a ghost show, It’s taped entirely at night, on infrared cameras.
Airs Thursdays at 9 ET on A&E Network
Idea 2. Extreme Hydrating
Conventional wisdom says that drinking 8 glasses of water a day will help to keep one healthy and happy. These extreme water drinkers swear that nothing less than 4 to 5 GALLONS will help you to stave off disease and premature aging. Follow the exploits of a rotating cast of Extreme Hydraters as they struggle to keep a sufficient supply of properly purified water at hand in everyday situations like air travel, trips to the cinema and jogging! Don’t forget to tune in during commerical breaks for their personal bladder-saving tips & tricks.
Airs Mondays at 8 ET on TLC
Idea 3. Pun Stars
Three single dudes are trying to make it in the big city. What do they have in common? They all love to pepper terrible PUNS into every day conversation. Watch these Wacky Wordsmiths as they attempt to be taken seriously at work, on dates and during moments of tension at their shared Brooklyn loft, better known as the TOGETHERment.
Bystander eye rolls are tallied up for the season finale, whereupon the punniest of the three is assigned a professional therapist and life coach.
Airs Wednesdays at 10 ET on Bravo!
Idea 4. American Plankers
Viral Video sensations “The Filby Brothers” are the masters of the lie-flat fad known as planking. While the craze may have already swept the nation, these Louisiana siblings have never been outside of dear ol’ Dixie. Tune in every week to see these rail-like rednecks on their great American roadtrip, planking for delighted spectators at National Parks and the greatest cultural and historical landmarks. Episodes include “Mounting Mount Rushmore,” “Stiff as a Boardwalk” and the season finale “Mr. Plank goes to Washington.”
Airs Tuesdays at 10 ET on The History Channel for some reason.
So, you’re welcome TV networks. I’ll keep an eye out for my check. I also accept Paypal.